You’re wrong.

The question is not

“How many times can your heart be broken?”

 The question is

“How many times can it heal?”

There is nothing quite like breaking up to make you question yourself and all your values.

Scarred and cautious, I often wonder what it was about this relationship that made me so different, and so insecure. It was easy to lose track that this was a journey that was heading somewhere, and even easier to forget that I was the anchor that was stopping the boat from heading to its destination.

Sometimes in retrospect I don’t know what it was that made me so scared.

Maybe it was the fact that he was so confident, whereas I failed to be able to see the things in myself that he claimed to love. We were truly dysfunctional in the beginning, like newly met partners from two different parts of the world, and like any foray into a new thing,

But life goes on, like everything else, and like every experience, with every heartbreak, the sun would continue to shine and the flowers continue to bloom, and in time, the pain would turn into a stony dullness instead of the jagged edges.

I lived for a moment in that exhilaration that I had overcome that past fear, right before I died again in the realization that there was nothing I could do with that knowledge, at least not for now. There was a little bit of sadness knowing that the person who helped me overcome that mental block would not realize it at all.

Live on, live well – live a normal life, he said. I choose to dream instead, in this haziness of a sleep addled mind, and pray that the wounds will heal and we will both once again emerge whole and anew as we track through our individual journeys.

You smiled, and it lit up my day. 

You were just another person, yet another familiar face that passed through these halls, but you had the most beautiful smile. Maybe it was because you were always so stern and serious at work, but it was as if no matter how difficult the job was, or how stressful the day was, you always had time to smile to those around you. 

I pray that I am able to emulate such traits, that I too am able to remember that in times of difficulty, God has given me the strength to weather through, and that at the end of the day, we must all be gentle, because we are all fighting a hard battle.