February 2012
2 posts
God's plan
Some things are beyond planning. And life doesn’t always turn out as planned. You don’t plan for a broken heart. You don’t plan for a failed business venture. You don’t plan for an adulterous husband or a wife who wants you out of her life. You don’t plan for an autistic child. You don’t plan for spinsterhood. You don’t plan for a lump in your breast. You...
Distance
“Distance is not for the fearful, it is for the bold. It’s for those who are willing to spend a lot of time alone in exchange for a little time with the one they love. It’s for those knowing a good thing when they see it, even if they don’t see it nearly enough…”
January 2012
5 posts
Revelation
There is nothing quite like breaking up to make you question yourself and all your values. Scarred and cautious, I often wonder what it was about this relationship that made me so different, and so insecure. It was easy to lose track that this was a journey that was heading somewhere, and even easier to forget that I was the anchor that was stopping the boat from heading to its destination....
Being in love:
Difficulty. As in you’re gonna end up fighting more than half the time, then the next like nothing ever happened at all. Spending one moment crying yourself to sleep, then the next non-stop laughter. Then full of frustration, next filled with joy. Some moments talking about what great future you two have planned ahead, then the next with no future at all. When you like you’ve...
“I’m sorry for everything I’m not, but I know that I love you with...”
Bittersweet
Endings are bittersweet.
Like a sad story, like the possibilities of what could have been. Endless recriminations - with each party asking the same questions that had been asked a million times before.
You asked me why I let you go. I asked myself why I didn’t do it earlier.
It was difficult to find the strength to leave, knowing that you had sacrificed so much of yourself for me,...
“Just because I comes off strong doesn’t mean I didn’t fall asleep...”
December 2011
3 posts
I need it
Dear diary,
I thought that I could smile, nod my way through it, pretend like it would all be ok.
And I had a plan, I wanted to change who I was. Create a life as someone new, someone without the past, without the pain. Someone alive.
But it’s not easy. The bad things stay with you. They follow you. You can’t escape them, as much as you want to.
All you can do is be ready for the good. So...
November 2011
5 posts
Silver Lining
Moving on, is a skill Iylham Yushaak has mastered with time. A skill which has turned into an intuition; To know when to leave and to know when to let go.
I am not strong really, It’s just that I have learn to accept the fact that things don’t always turn out to your fancy. Acceptance is the first step to letting go. Accepting that it is okay to not have everything your way.. Let life...
“I can’t promise you a perfect relationship without arguments over our...”
Warmth Of Each Other
People always think that when you sleep together, there’s always something that is happening in between the sheets and the bed.. ❤ But let me tell you, it’s not always like that.. The feeling of actually hugging each other until you fall asleep, the warmth of each other’s breath, and the total happiness in the morning when you wake up right beside them.. Everything may sound so good to be true,...
From the heart
Sometimes people come into your life and you know right away that they were meant to be there, to serve some sort of purpose, teach you a lesson, or to help you figure out who you are or who you want to become.
You never know who these people may be. Possibly your neighbor, co-worker, long lost friend or even a complete stranger, but when you lock eyes with them, you know at that very moment...
The Slip
Sometimes I’m sorry doesn’t cut it. Sometimes the things you say are only worth it in that moment, those fleeting few minutes which make it or break it, and when the moment’s passed, nothing you can ever do or say can ever erase the scars that your careless words have caused. Each slip of your tongue cuts a little deeper. And one day the chasm will gape open, and these walls will...
October 2011
1 post
To let go
She held her heart in her hands, like always. Inspecting for any missing beat or burst vessels that she had ignored. Like times before, her heart has been deceived into make believes of sincerity and innocence. You, like the rest was never meant to stay. You, a wonderful person, she decided. Wonderful indeed; you too will be a distant memory that she will never revisit. She held her heart in...
September 2011
4 posts
Breaking Point
You break my heart because you do not understand. You shred me to pieces because of the questions you ask. I do not know if it is ignorance, or if it is the fact that you inherently see things a certain way, and it is the way you view things that will always make you say those things that imply your mistrust or your negative impressions. You see things one way, and I another, and our entire way...
“When she was just a girl she expected the world but it flew away from her reach...”
Merdeka
Today I give thanks for small mercies.
I am thankful we live in a country that is so rich in culture and diversity, and despite politicization and media mongering, we still live in peace.
I am thankful for the traffic jams, for that means I live in a country which has decent roads. I am thankful because that means I am driving.
I am thankful that I am able to find a place to eat at any hour...
“I’d like to have the kind of love that is happy for you no matter who...”
August 2011
5 posts
These Eyes
She gave you her heart. Did you realise that? This beautiful, warm, loving woman has given you her heart - trusted you to hold it and cherish it, and all you have done is reneged on that trust. You will never see what I see. You will never see those scars she carries in her heart, those tears she sheds for you. You will never realize the number of times she has held her tongue, the number of times...
Via tumblr
When you are feeling alone like no one cares, read this cuz its absolutely true:
Every night, someone thinks about you before they go to sleep. At least fifteen people in this world love you. The only reason someone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you. There are at least two people in this world that would die for you. You mean the world to someone. Someone that you...
“Pray sincerely, pray humbly, pray often.”
The Rebel
There was a girl who could never be tamed, a free spirit, a wandering stranger that resides within. The girl grew into a woman eventually, and she started to dance her way through the crossroads of life.
A man met the woman, but he never knew the girl.
The girl was that rebel child, born to run along those grey edges of life. The girl was the same person who the man fell in love with in those...
July 2011
2 posts
Sometimes
Sometimes I write things as an advice to myself. Sometimes I write things to make me feel better. Sometimes I just write to keep me sane. So I thought I should keep what I write so I will never forget.
June 2011
1 post
Changing Gears
I’m not much of a car person. Most of my friends will attest to that.
I don’t know a lot about the different makes or models - the extent of my comment will be to say that a car looks cool. A lot of the time I usually couldn’t care less - as long as I get from Point A to Point B.
However, I’ve been driving my beaten up old Ford again, and it reminds me of when I first...
May 2011
9 posts
What is brave?
You’re not brave if you still keep the text messages. You’re not kidding yourself when you ‘somehow’ end up on his facebook profile. You’re not getting better if you still hold onto your photos together. You’re not doing what’s best for you when you stay up all night thinking about him. You’re not going to move on, if you don’t even attempt to let go.
Friends
Friends. A simple word isn’t it? It’s uttered everyday to almost every person imaginable. Who are your friends? I used to think that friends were the people that you could laugh and talk to. Now I know that friends aren’t that, they’re the people that touch your hearts. You could spend hours with them doing nothing at all and it can be the best time of your life, just because it was with them....
Falling in love
Falling in love is like purchasing a Chanel. You dream about it first. Then, you work for it, you wait for it and you nab it when the time is right. It’s a long process but in the end it will be righteously yours. Like purchasing a Chanel, I too am biding my time to fall in love. :)
Faces
You saw that face, just the face I chose to show. You never saw those other parts of me, for it was not the time for me to show you, or tell you. There were times to shield, those private parts of me - so you only ever saw my other face; that strong unsentimental side who cared not for what the world would throw at her, and I kept my other face inside. And when you finally did, you queried if it...
Character
Met up with a dear friend over brunch and talked about life. Generic i know. But it seems to be a never ending misadventure that everyone talks about these days. But today was different i suppose. We sat down over drinks only to realize that we want something more. Dont we all? But listening to him tell me his aspirations and dreams made me question my stand in life.
Memory of the 16th April
I met you on a day like this, with overcast skies and a week’s worth of rain. Perhaps the rain blinded me to reality for I failed to see the facets of you who made you who you are. I could only see an image of a person who I wanted you to be, but you were not that person. You were yourself, beautiful and imperfect, but I was looking for perfection, and I thought I found it in you. Life has a...
“You weren’t supposed to mean that much to me and i wasn’t supposed...”
Little Notes
Ending something whether a dream, a goal, a friendship, a relationship or a tie with someone is always hard, always sad. There’s a lingering regret of what went wrong and questions that will never be answered. But i came to realize that on a page of my life ends with them, somewhere, somehow, a new chapter is waiting to start.
It's Not You, It's Me
Its Not You, Its Me.
Forget what they told you. I’mma tell it straight, no sugar coating, no nothing. Everyone is going to leave you. One way or another. Its just how it is. And when they say,
“its not you, its me.”
Take their word for it and not disregard the reason for doing so as a cheesy line in 99% of all movies where couples separate for their own selfish gain....
April 2011
53 posts
“Sometimes music is the only thing that gets my mind off of everything else”
Sanity
Sometimes I question my sanity. The way I write is a reflection of myself, of the light and darkness that exists within. Sometimes I wonder if I’m entirely sane, and it seems as if I am myself but not. Sometimes it feels like I am removed from myself. Are any of us entirely sane? We are built, programmed a certain way by the virtue of our lifestyles and the experiences we are beholden to....
“I thought I have totally moved on, until we said Hi.”
Not jogging makes me feel fat
But thats the difference between perception and reality. Reality is, the weighing scale doesn’t lie. Perception is, the mirror does.
“Note to self : Sometimes you just gotta quit thinking so much. If it feels...”
“Thank you GOD for blessing me much more than i deserve”
Take a deep breath and let it go
To let go isn’t to forget, not to think about, or ignore. It doesn’t leave feelings of anger, jealously, or regret. Letting go isn’t about winning or losing. Its not about pride and its not about how you appear, and its not obsessing or dwelling on the past. Letting go isn’t blocking memories or thinking sad thoughts, and it doesn’t leave emptiness, hurt or sadness. Its not about giving in or...
Words
Words are my reality and my escape. My words are vague, filled with unknown meaning, sometimes written in the dead of the night in the hours spent hovering between sleep and consciousness.
You choose the paths you take, the roads you tread - and as Mr Frost said, that made all the difference.
As I remind myself - it’s all for me.
I wrote this for you
And I’m sorry if I haven’t written to you in a while. It’s just that life gets in the way of living. It’s just that my fingers were stuck together. It’s just that all the paper in the world caught fire.
You’ll forgive me if I haven’t written in a while. It’s just that all the envelopes made love to dragonflies and now, we cannot bring them down. It’s just that time stopped ticking. It’s just...
Sometimes, I made decision that leave me feeling...
Especially when I call, and not really knowing what I want from the call.
Sorry you had to listen to my inane chatter about the dark.